A speech by Cheryl Culin at the 2024 WeRunWithYou Run4Rehab Celebration

On July 12, 2023 a brain aneurysm I didn’t know existed, ruptured. I was healthy, active, and had just turned forty years old. My aneurysm was coiled and I spent two weeks in neuro ICU recovering.

After being discharged, I was desperate to find survivor friends. I had immediate questions I wanted to process through. Things like, “When did your headaches go away? When did you stop feeling slow of mind? Did you ever feel 100% like yourself again?” I just wanted to talk to someone who was further along in their healing journey than me. So I googled.

I came across WeRunWithYou and was so encouraged because I saw that Kathy had not only survived an aneurysm rupture too, but was thriving. Prior to my rupture I enjoyed running, so when I saw that she was out there running marathons again it filled me with hope that I would continue to get better too.

I reached out to her and we became friends through Instagram.

As I’ve spent some time reflecting on the last year and a half of my life and my aneurysm journey, I can’t help but notice a handful of themes that have come up over and over again. One of the most significant themes has been the importance of living my life unafraid.

When you are fortunate enough to survive a rupture, you are so grateful to be alive, but there is a lot of potential for fear related to the future. Fear about if you’re really going to be okay for the long run. Fear about if you’re making the right and best decision amongst your surgical options (if you’re someone that needs further treatment). Fear about the potential for complications. And fear that just comes up whether you want it to or not because of the trauma you’ve endured. There is an abundance of opportunity for fear to be in the driver seat of our lives, and I realized that very quickly.

At my six week follow up appointment after being discharged from the hospital, we got some news that I didn’t love. My neurosurgeon explained to us that my aneurysm had a wide neck and that because of this he wasn’t able to fill it all the way with coils to help it seal off. There was a risk they could have come out and gotten pumped to my brainstem. So blood was likely still flowing into the base of my aneurysm, and he was confident I would need further surgical treatment. When he did my cerebral angiogram a few months later, his suspicions were confirmed. My aneurysm had not been able to seal off and heal.

This was the beginning of a long journey of trying to figure out what to do. I didn’t set out with the intention of meeting with seven neurosurgeons from all over the country, but that’s what ended up happening because I was hearing so many different opinions. Flow diverter, bypass, craniotomy and clipping; there were pros and cons to each option, and no option was without some significant risks to consider.

In the midst of weighing potentially life-altering surgical options, I had a dream that kept bubbling up in my heart. You see, just prior to my rupture I had been praying about going back to school to become a nurse practitioner. After fourteen years of bedside nursing, I still felt like it was such a sacred honor to be able to step into the lives of patients and provide care for them in their greatest time of need. But I had a growing desire to work in a primary care setting where I could establish relationships and provide care to my patients over the long-haul.

I continued to sense that I was supposed to apply to a nurse practitioner program in the midst of uncertainty about the future. But I had so many questions and “what ifs?” running through my mind at the same time.

“What if I start school and something goes wrong with surgery, and then I’m unable finish?”

“How on earth will we pay for it?”

“Wouldn’t it make a lot more practical sense to just wait? Wait until after brain surgery? Wait until you know you’re really going to be okay?

But I felt like the Lord challenged my questioning with two questions in return:

“How would you live your life today if you weren’t basing the decisions of today on the fears and what ifs of tomorrow?”

And, “What if what’s most important on this journey is having the faith to start instead of worrying about how it all will end?”

I knew what I was supposed to do. I applied to Frontier Nursing University in December of 2023 and began my Family Nurse Practitioner journey in April of 2024.

After a lot of consults, questions, and prayer, I decided to move forward with a craniotomy and clipping at Duke in North Carolina. I completed Spring quarter on June 20th and went on academic hiatus for summer term for my brain surgery that was scheduled for June 25th.

That first quarter of school (April-June) was a really beautiful and meaningful time in my life. I felt immense joy and freedom because I was living life unafraid. I had a major brain surgery scheduled, but that wasn’t holding me back from living life today to the fullest. And to be honest, going to school was a really great way to rebel against fear being in the driver’s seat of my life. It was a practical way to say no to the fears and “what ifs?” of the future having power over my life today. And going school actually spurred deep hopes and dreams about the future within me, so my mind was far more focused on my hopes for the future, than on my upcoming brain surgery. This wasn’t an avoidance strategy. It was what living unafraid of the future had done for me. Living unafraid helped me to embrace all that could be possible today.

We left for North Carolina on June 23rd for my surgery on the 25th. But when they took me back for my pre-op angiogram on June 24th, something miraculous had happened. My aneurysm had healed. The base of it had sealed off. I will never forget the awe in my neurosurgeon’s voice as he said, “Wow, it’s sealed off. Cheryl, you don’t need surgery.”

I came off of academic hiatus and dove into summer term on July 8th.

The last year and a half has been a whirlwind. I am so grateful to be alive. I am so grateful to be able to chase dreams. I am so grateful for miracles. I am so grateful for my family. I am so grateful for Jesus, who gives me strength to face all hard things. And I am so grateful we can chose to live unafraid.

Cheryl Culin

Cheryl is wife to Eddie, mom to Josiah, Ethan, and Katie, and is a follower of Jesus. She enjoys homeschooling her kids, writing, quality time and deep conversations with friends, and nerding out about all things related to health and wellness. She survived a ruptured brain aneurysm in July of 2023, an experience that solidified her desire to return to school to become a nurse practitioner after many years of bedside nursing. She can’t wait to see where this journey leads when she graduates.